maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
