Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
