May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
40s are totally the cure
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
