I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
