Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize
