it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
