My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
