I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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