I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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