Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
