that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
