He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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