We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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