I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
