She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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