I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.