I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.