I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
