No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
