this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
