I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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