"it" just moved
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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