It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize