she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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