I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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