And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
