Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
