I could make wine with my vomit
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
