I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
