omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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