I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
