My liver just broke up with me...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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