I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
