he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
