he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
