Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I FOUND THE LEGS
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
