You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
