There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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