what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
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