im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
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Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
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I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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