One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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