Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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