wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
