he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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