Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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