i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
