I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
