he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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