he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
