atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
