The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
