i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
