I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
