i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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