The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So here I am, sexting at work.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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