i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
