He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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