when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
