Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
