I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?