i jhust puked up my retainher.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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