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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Food network will be on but we won't be watching

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  O by "watching" I mean "background noise"

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• (416): View more from Ontario

  She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now

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• (714): View more from California

  And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.

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• (347): View more from New York

  it's been a while because I don't count the hooker

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  27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (772): View more from Florida

  No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.

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• (712): View more from Iowa

  You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?

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• (817): View more from Texas

  You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.

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• (805): View more from California

  The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.

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  19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars

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• (518): View more from New York

  I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.

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• (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.

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• (212): View more from New York

  He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.

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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  Why is there a whip in the kitchen?

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