Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(479): View more from Arkansas

i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.

Fav 22 3581 874
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(352): View more from Florida

You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.

Fav 8 3830 826
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(647): View more from Ontario

if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.

Fav 6 5298 830
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(901): View more from Tennessee

She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.

(1-901): View more from Tennessee

Dude, if you don't take her, I will.

Fav 34 7261 1650
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Read it at the TFLN blog
(281): View more from Texas

Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.

Fav 3 1339 2833
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(704): View more from North Carolina

It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.

Fav 8 4294 1331
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(585): View more from New York

We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.

Fav 4 2232 1000
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(212): View more from New York

You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM

Fav 1 575 281
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(571): View more from Virginia

All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.

Fav 3 126 16
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