I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.