After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Canadian or clown?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.