So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
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She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
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I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.