He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains