dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
