i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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