You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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