Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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