I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
