Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
