she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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