I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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