No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
