I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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