just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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