My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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