i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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