u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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