i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
