I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
