I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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