his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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